The word Imrama means journey of the soul and all my moving experiences have taught me that moving indeed a soul journey - when a lot of the time you don’t know the destination; when you decided to move, or when circumstances propel you to move, you aren’t sure where your future home is, you aren’t sure what new experiences are waiting for you. To me, that’s an imrama, and all soul journeys are meant to bring you back to alignment with your soul

Last time circumstances caused me to move as the landlord needed the return of the property. We were ready to purchase, I knew from my experience it’ll be a transformative journey for my family, little did I know of the depth of transformation.

With my experience in Feng Shui, space clearing as well as my regular spiritual practice, I have completed the soulful steps before property hunt and I’ve also employed variety of tools to make sure the property we selected is soul-aligned. I thought that since I’ve made sure all steps and decisions I’ve done is soul-led, that’s my spiritual tasks done.

I couldn’t be more wrong. The Universe wanted me to go through challenges. The universe wanted me to completely transform

Around 3 weeks after the offer was placed, I discovered my pregnancy.

It is a planned one but it came a lot earlier than we expected. Because of my poor health in my early 20s, I was always under the impression that it’d be extremely hard for me to conceive. The Universe pleasantly surprised me but equally, I was unprepared, physically and mentally. I was shocked, scared, confused.

The first trimester meant I’m confronted with a new set of physical discomforts from new medications, nicotine withdrawal, the usual hormonal changes that came with pregnancy. However, all these physical symptoms are nothing compared to the chatters in my mind - I felt my world was turned upside down, I felt I was thrown into a giant rabbit hole, exploring a Newfoundland on my own. I was lost.

I didn’t understand why both pregnancy, and moving, two big transformations come at the same time. With my history of bipolar disorder, to say I was worried about my mental state was an understatement.

I started to doubt if the selected property is the correct one, knowing that the neighbourhood might not be optimal for young families. I was also concerned the property might not have enough space for a baby - the second bedroom was meant for a multi-functional guest room/office when I first made the offer. I looked at my initial layout plan and moodboard and found a lot of decisions need to be changed…to cater for the child inside me.

The things that appealed to me about the property suddenly become questionable; I loved the big windows when I was viewing, but suddenly I was worried about privacy. I loved the G/F main door flat with a small garden at first, and then I found out it crippled me with worries about my family’s safety.

I doubted the decision tremendously. I doubted the vivid guidance I received. I was questioning whether I let my emotions cloud my judgment..

I was worried that if I selected the wrong property, I would not be a good mother.

It’s simply because I knew how important space is for someone’s growth, and that’s precisely the reason I was crippled with anxieties of making the wrong decision.

What kept me going was my realism - the offer was made, we needed to move out of our property. Really nothing could be done.

That’s what I thought. It is all set. I just needed to go through with it..

And then this deep knowingness allowed me to take a step back and trust the universe; and learnt to manage my anxieties and stress.

When I experienced the lawsuit for my business’ name, I kept pulling the card Imrama from Rebecca Campbell’s deck and that’s when I decided on Imrama Space as a new trading name. This card hasn’t shown itself to me for awhile, until I found out about the pregnancy in the middle of my moving journey.

The card Imrama only confirmed to me that moving is a soul journey - a journey where you don’t even know what you experience, where you’ll go. Or in my case, when I started my moving journey, I only thought it’d start a new chapter in the way I approached my business, who would have thought it’d be the beginning of motherhood?

When we sowed the seed of moving, we are sending a signal to the universe that we are saying good bye to a chapter in our lives. Our body and mind are vibrating at a frequency where new happenings will reciprocate, whether you expect it or not.

Oh, but in my case, the first trimester wasn’t the only challenge..Compared to what I was told over the telephone on November 13, 2020 (Oh I know it’s a black friday!) the nauseas, mood swings were nothing!

I thought I wasn’t ready for more challenges and obstacles, but the Universe decided to test me. The last working day before the transaction was due to take place, I received this phone call from my solicitor at 4:30

“I am really sorry, but a title deeds of upper chain is trapped at Israel and I’m afraid you are not getting the key on coming Monday”

“So when will I be able to get the key? We’ve given the notice to our landlord?”

“I’m afraid I don’t have any more information right now. Im so sorry”

Are you fucking kidding me?

Just one day ago before this phone call I was pulling teeth at HSBC as they refused to transfer the money from my account to the solicitor’s account as I didn’t have a ID with my married name. Even though I have brought with me my wedding certificate, my ID and I explained that I was told by my immigration solicitor to not change the surname on my ID until I received my visa, the staff simply would not help.

I was on the phone with bureaucratic bank for the whole day while struggling with nauseas. I was so certain that was the final straw and everything would be fine afterwards.

Oh, but no, there’s this - you are not getting the key and I don’t know when you can get the key.

This sentence was repeating in my mind like a negative mantra trying to hypnotise me to the darkest place in my heart and forced me to swim in sea of tears.

What do you want now? How many more things do you want me to go through?

I remembered I was screaming at my half packed home - where am I going to stay now? What should I do?

I was craving for a cigarette to calm my nerves but I couldn’t - I now have another human being to take care of.

I questioned my guidance and my faith. I questioned my spirituality.

I’ve followed it so obediently the whole time ; I persisted even though there’s a building warrant issue with the selected property, I decided to move forward with the purchase even though my child might need more space. I tried my best to convince my husband even he wasn’t as certain as me about the offer

And now you’re telling me my persistence was worth nothing? And that I needed to go through more?

I was more than furious. I was lost. I was devastated.

That morning I pulled the card called Crumbling - my intuition was telling me something’s off that Friday, something might happen, but I didn’t know it’s this - I didn’t know it’d be a complete disruption of my renovations plan and the possibility of becoming homeless.

But It’s a soul journey isn’t it?…and my soul knows better. I’ll share part 2 of my soul journey next time